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Some things, man was not meant to know.

Some things lie buried so far beyond the realm of human existence that man should not even attempt them, simply because of the inherent risks and dangers involved.

Some things push the very envelope of sanity itself, stretching it to the fragile tearing limits much like the bubble of gum blown by one Alison Kreuger (an acquaintance of mine in my early tensder years of schooling), a sheer bubble that managed to not only be larger that her head, but both her head and br-

I think I may be wandering a bit off the graven path of Science I was beginning with. Allow me to resume.

Some things, man should not attempt. This might be one of those.

Though to tell the truth, I honestly don't care if it is or not. After reading descriptions and test reports by other "scientists," about this strange substance, I can only come to one conclusion.

It needs further field testing. And as a man who has regularly strained the physical envelope of caffeine consumption to the point where his very endocrine system has learned to independently vibrate in response to the stuff, I know of no one better to test this than myself. For anyone who wants to pay for and ship a bottle of this dangerous substance my way, I can only send you my eager thanks in advance, and my hopes that my consumption will indeed help further our knowledge of such wonderful distillates.
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Had I an unlimited budget, mad SCIENCE skills, etc, I would totally be doing this:

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What's that, you say? There's water on the moon? Why, how right you are. And who better to explain the significance of all this than good old Cleatus and Uncle Jimmy...

Cleatus- "Uncle Jimmy! Did you hear the news? Did you hear the- Uncle Jimmy, why are you polishing up all those rifles?"

Uncle Jimmy- "Cause I heard the news today, Cleatus. About the Moon. And the fact that they found water up there- serious amounts of water, potentially. That means trouble."

Cleatus- "Trouble? But Uncle Jimmy, isn't it good news? I mean, that means we're one step closer to being able to build and sustain a habitat on the Moon, right? We could go live on the Moon!"

Uncle Jimmy- "No, Cleatus, you can't go live on the Moon. Well, you could, but your sister'd kill me. Besides, while it's true that finding water up there means we've got another of the basics covered that we'd need- energy from the sun, source of water, and a way to create oxygen, we're still short on other components we'd need. No, the big thing, though, is that everyone's forgetting the big truth about what this discovery means."

Cleatus- *sigh* "Ok, Uncle Jimmy, what's it mean?"

Uncle Jimmy- "Space Nazis."

Cleatus- ...

Uncle Jimmy- "I'm serious, boy- we all know the Nazis had a ton of rocket experiments going back during the war, right? They were light years ahead of us, so of course they started sending up rocket after rocket to the moon- the first ones unmanned, just to get raw materials up there- then manned ones later, carrying soldiers and plants- everything they'd need to stock up and fill a moonbase once they arrived. And they've just stayed there since- the Apollo missions just got lucky and missed spotting them, otherwise Aldrin and the rest'd just be a bunch of dust in low orbit.

"But now, that we know there's water up there? And you can be sure that those damn Space Nazis know that we know boy- they've been watching our TV shows ever since the Nixon debates- now that they know that we know? They'll be coming for us. You bet your ass, we'll be seeing a Space Nazi invasion just in time for V-E day next year."

Cleatus- "But, Uncle Jimmy, if they're Space Nazis, wouldn't they get crushed by all the gravity here on Earth, since our gravity's six times stronger? I mean, shouldn't their skeletons be like swiss cheese compared to ours?"

Uncle Jimmy- "Bullhonkery, boy. Don't you understand? They're Space Nazis. All the cosmic radiation they've been exposed to up there? It'll have changed them over the years. They won't be anything human anymore- They'll be ready for gravity like ours, and they'll scare the shit out of our soldiers too- no hair left on any of them, giant dark eyes from being used to life on the dark side of the moon, pale, gelatinous skin, tentacles for fingers, and shiny black SS uniforms. It'd be like facing off against a horde of Hot Topic employees- from space."

Cleatus- "Woweee."

Uncle Jimmy- "That's why the rifles, boy. I fought 'em back in the war, and I can do it again now. Now pass me that polishing cloth."
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Time for another of the lovely redneckian dialogues in which Cleatus and Uncle Jimmy lay out for you just what's going on in our world today.

Cleatus: What'cha doing, Uncle Jimmy?

Jimmy: Sharpening up these fenceposts into some nice big wooden stakes.

Cleatus: Why you doin' that, Uncle Jimmy?

Jimmy: Well, Cleat, it's about global warming. They teach you about global warming in that newfangled school of yours?

Cleatus: Yeah, Uncle Jimmy, I reckon I understand about what some of the long-term effects of global warming are.

Jimmy: Great! So, what's on your mind then, Cleatus, aside from the fact that in a few thousand years the earth'll be reduced to a venusian-like environment, covered in thick layer of hot vapors, gases and clouds, inhospitable to life as we know it?

Cleatus: (confused) Well, Uncle Jimmy, I was kinda more wondering about what the short-term effects were going to be like.

Jimmy: Oh those! Well, the short term effects are gonna be quite interesting indeed my boy. Lemme talk about those a little bit- you just pull up a stool there. )
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Ok, this is all just too damn cool to not post. Amazing pictures of science/physics at work. (Thanks [ profile] evillinn !)

We're getting closer to erasing bad/traumatic memories/fears from the brain. If you ask me, this one's just plain bad, dangerous, and, well, frightening. Sorry, but I personally need my phobias, trauma, etc. (thanks to [ profile] nihil_duce for this one.)

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SCIENCE! At work for You!

Because, let's face it- we all want to know what happens when two small mammals collide at 6,000 meters per second.

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All right, that does it. SCIENCE! fully exists. How do I know this? This interview right here. Not only has the GOP fully purchased McCain for use until his body completely falls apart, they've installed some kind of chip in his head that only lets him spit out the party line in short bursts. I mean, there really couldn't be any other explanation- he's not even framing those statements as answers to the questions. It's like pulling the string on the back of a talking doll.
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SCIENCE! And fun kitchen projects. Maybe me and the kid can work on some shrunken heads this weekend.
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Well, ok. I suppose shouting "EXCELLENT! VICTORY IS MINE!" at the top of my lungs was a bit of an odd reaction to finding out people liked the homemade scones I brought in this morning.


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October 2012



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