Good morning, world.

(no subject)

Created by The Oatmeal

Tormented Artifacts- now kinda hiring.

Job Posting:

Position: Dmitri's "Handler"

This job requires intense interpersonal skills, a heavy hand with melee weaponry, And the patience, fortitude, and willpower of most saints. Also, your own transportation.

Job duties include:
Keeping Dmitri on track at getting all current projects finished. This can include using any of the following methods (listed in order of severity):
Pouring Cans of monster down his throat until he's vibrating.
Threatening him with the large nail-studded 2x4.
Applying said 2x4 to parts of his body as "motivation."
Threatening to cut off his internets if he doesn't get anything done.
Actually cutting off the internets.
Pulling the artist off the ledge afterwards and propping him back up at the worktable.
Promising to turn the internets back on if he just gets something finished.
Minor filing and accounting
interpreting the artist's insane gibberings for the public audience.

Benefits/Compensation: While no pay or insurance is available, we're certain that the level of emotional and physical catharsis you're guaranteed to receive should outweigh that small downside.