And one for the ladies....
Oct. 5th, 2005 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
winneganfakeYou know what else we need to talk about here? Those so-called fashion faux-pas. I know some women out there are trying to keep up on these things, just so that they can look fashionable and eventually use those charming looks to snatch the object of their desire into bed with them. (Not that I think any of those women read this journal but hey, why not.)
First Off: Panty Lines. Now I know everything you read and see on TV tells you that these are annoying, disgusting, and maybe even skanky. Let's set the record straight. Men like these. They indicate openness and honesty about your choices in lingerie, and well, they give the less imaginiative of us better guideposts for mentally undressing you. And trust me- you want us to mentally undress you. That glassy look we get when we blindly hand our wallets, car keys, or deeds over to you? Yeah. That's what we're really doing.
Secondly: Wear a friggin' bra! They're there to tantalize and tempt us. They're absolutely not there to bounce around in 360-degree circles, higher than your head,exist on a line with your navel, or tied in a knot behind your neck. Or worse yet, to completely disappear into your shirt. Give us cleavage or give us death.
That said, let's go straight to lesson three: Velcro Is Sexy The less time I have to take to get it off of you, or worse, If I can't get it off of you due to the strange alienness of the fasteners involved, the more frustrated I'll be. And the more frustrated you'll be. And nookie is well, a frustrating experience as is- do you know how much restraint we have to use to avoid making certain faces during sex?
And finally, lesson four: Too Tight is not tight enough. If I can't see every detail of your body through your clothing, then mental undressing becomes a frustrating challenge. Revisit Lesson one if you need a reminder about that point.
Ok, that's enough of a lesson for now- quiz this weekend.
First Off: Panty Lines. Now I know everything you read and see on TV tells you that these are annoying, disgusting, and maybe even skanky. Let's set the record straight. Men like these. They indicate openness and honesty about your choices in lingerie, and well, they give the less imaginiative of us better guideposts for mentally undressing you. And trust me- you want us to mentally undress you. That glassy look we get when we blindly hand our wallets, car keys, or deeds over to you? Yeah. That's what we're really doing.
Secondly: Wear a friggin' bra! They're there to tantalize and tempt us. They're absolutely not there to bounce around in 360-degree circles, higher than your head,exist on a line with your navel, or tied in a knot behind your neck. Or worse yet, to completely disappear into your shirt. Give us cleavage or give us death.
That said, let's go straight to lesson three: Velcro Is Sexy The less time I have to take to get it off of you, or worse, If I can't get it off of you due to the strange alienness of the fasteners involved, the more frustrated I'll be. And the more frustrated you'll be. And nookie is well, a frustrating experience as is- do you know how much restraint we have to use to avoid making certain faces during sex?
And finally, lesson four: Too Tight is not tight enough. If I can't see every detail of your body through your clothing, then mental undressing becomes a frustrating challenge. Revisit Lesson one if you need a reminder about that point.
Ok, that's enough of a lesson for now- quiz this weekend.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 07:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 07:22 pm (UTC)On your head.
And then post picturesof it.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 07:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 07:58 pm (UTC)A couple do-nots
Date: 2005-10-05 07:26 pm (UTC)This is when your too tight pants and your too tight top do not meet in the middle, thus forcing your fleash to roll out in the middle like a broken tube of Pillsbury Biscuits. Or like the top of a muffin that spills out over the side of the tin. Get the picture? It exposes too much in one place. Men don't like to share, we like it (I like it a lot!), we just don't want other guys to like it too.
Whale Tails:
The thought that you are wearing a thong-cut pair of panties is very exciting to us men. But for God's sake, let us find out about them on our own time. Don't wear your pants so low that everyone knows that you have "Thursday" on when it's actually Wedneesday. See the reasoning above in regards to not wanting to share...
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 08:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 08:15 pm (UTC)2. Agreed.
3. Velcro is NOT sexy when it is a. his face stubble and b. my hair. SHAVE or grow a beard, do not linger in the vestibule. (oh, and we LIKE the faces guys make. It makes us feel prettier by comparison.)
4. I disagree here. Sorry. Too-tight clothes on a person with poor hygeine or bad posture is really painful. Perhaps a caveat is in order?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 11:23 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 03:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 10:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-05 10:41 pm (UTC)Today I am wearing a very tight dress with no bra and visible panty lines.
Oh, and a brown dress with black boots. I am a rule breaker.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 01:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 03:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 05:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 07:27 am (UTC)Panty lines are disapproved of because they make it too easy for you. I mean, duh.
Velcro is not sexy. To take you literally, velcro is bulky and ruins the lines of the extremely tight clothing you're advocating, and in that same clothing, it simply won't keep it closed for more than one or two wearings. To take you less literally, well, honestly, we like watching you stare in puzzlement at the fastenings. It's funny. That's why they're there.
The same with too tight clothing. Not only is it uncomfortable and unsuitable for many, but we want to frustrate and challenge you. It amuses us. And, let's face it, the frustration we give you is the best entertainment we're likely to get out of an awful lot of men.
Women are evil. That's why we do what we do to you men. I thought you knew that.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 01:20 pm (UTC)Of course, If mine's satire, then yours is stand-up.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-06 05:17 pm (UTC)Well since you mention it........
Date: 2005-10-11 06:57 am (UTC)Hence why I have permanent phobias of bra clasps, dress fastenings, and bondage gear. I know somewhere out there is a piece of female clothing looking to put my eye out.
But I pursue them nonetheless.
(shudder)
Ahab had his whale. I have the Wonderbra.
Re: Well since you mention it........
Date: 2005-10-11 07:02 am (UTC)Of course, some of us wear much, much more frightening things.
Re: Well since you mention it........
Date: 2005-10-11 06:46 pm (UTC)And you know what we do to ducks around here?
Re: Well since you mention it........
Date: 2005-10-12 09:53 pm (UTC)(rimshot)
=D
Re: Well since you mention it........
Date: 2005-10-13 02:23 pm (UTC)Followed by
Re: Well since you mention it........
Date: 2005-10-14 03:13 am (UTC)Wanna pluck my tailfeathers sugarbritches?
=P