(no subject)

[winneganfake]

How the morning commute should have gone:

Me: ZXxxzzzzzxxxzzzzzzz (the blessed sounds of sleep with possible light snoring until 3rd & virginia. A nice, twenty minute bus-nap. I've gotten fairly good at them, especially after nights featuring broken irregular, oxygen deprvated sleep, like last night.)



Me: ZZZ....

Person sitting next to me: Excuse me.

Me: Blurgh? (Removing headphones)

Moron with deathwish in the next seat: I said, excuse me. I was wondering if I might talk to you for a minute. See, I'm new here and...

Me: Speak. (Unspoken subtext: this was delivered in the tone of "Speak quickly that I may kill you with equal swiftness and return to my nap.")

Moron: Well, I wanted to ask you if you've taken the Lord Jesus into your-

Me: Look. Just stop. please. just stop. go find someone else to harass. This is not the sinner you're looking for.

Moron: But-

Me: No. Don't even say it. Look, I've been on your side of the spectrum. Then I woke up and realized how pathetic and empty my life was. Do you understand what I'm telling you? I've already fought this fight a million times. And I've won it. Every time. If it'll make you feel better, you can go sit in that nice empty seat over there and pray for my soul if you really want to, but otherwise, leave me alone. (At this point, cue me putting the headphones back on, along with my hood, and curling up like I'm going to go back to sleep. Which is, of course, what I want to do, until...)

Moron about to die a very public death: I'm sure that can't be what you really mean... *touching me on the leg*

Ok, now look. Dmitri's personal peeves #2. If I don't know you for shit, you do NOT get to touch me. As if the saving my soul spiel wasn't enough, This is pretty much the kicker. Even if the idiot in question is a fairly nice-seeming woman n her mid-forties. And when the hell did people in that bracket start getting that physically forward, anyways? Still, it was an out. I took it.

Me: (delivered strongly and just loudly enough for every single person on the bus to hear) Do not touch me there, you goddamned pervert!

Her: ?!

Me: You heard me. So did everyone else. Why don't you move to that empty seat over there.

Her: *Gets up and switches seats in a huff*

I swear, a couple of people looked like they wanted to applaud. Me, of course, I was far too awake by this point. So much for sleep.

Comments

[crowgod.livejournal.com]

*applauds*

What part of "I'm wearing sunglasses, earphones and am reading a book" don't people understand? Just leave me alone and go talk to the poor schmuck who can't afford an iPod.

[harlequin-elf.livejournal.com]

Funny, in the painful way that such tales are.. At least you *did* get rid of her, I had one freind who was unlucky enough to be stuck on a plan right next to a Moron for a few hours. I alway wounder why people try and talk any one who looks like they're trying to sleep though...

[winneganfake.livejournal.com]

Agreed- I don't know what it is that attracts those types. Maybe it's the simple fact that when asleep, we look far less likely to want to kill them.

[harlequin-elf.livejournal.com]

My pet theroy is they must be suicidal.

[butterflake.livejournal.com]

HA HA

Awesome.

[mahariel.livejournal.com]

Hero status reconfirmed

-Victoria

[winneganfake.livejournal.com]

*BING!* Achievement Unlocked!

[sirriamnis.livejournal.com]

I think you showed superhuman amounts of restraint.

Me, the day I got accosted by the New Testament handing-out-guys, took one and said, "Gee, thanks! How did you know I was out of rolling papers?"

[anarchangel23.livejournal.com]

You win!

[cajunsblues.livejournal.com]

i bow to your greatness

[rowansilverwing.livejournal.com]

I love you! lol

[luchog.livejournal.com]

Look on the bright side, at least it was someone with more than half a brain, who eventually went away and left you alone; instead of a stinking, beligerant drunk who demanded to know the full and complete details about everything you looked like and were doing at the time. Some days, I really hate my bus line.